Dzxoxian Brokehorn

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Contents

Seeming Ogre Gargantuan
Court Spring Court ••
Freehold Fen of Brambles
Player Josh Hamel
Dzxoxian Brokehorn

"It is always good to be distinguished by something; I ask nothing better than to be pointed out as the only one in our serious age who is not serious." - Soren Kierkegaard

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Perfer et obdura; dolor hic tibi proderit olim." ("Be patient and tough; one day this pain will be useful to you.") - Ovid


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Overview

Alias(es): Brokehorn, Ox, Dz

Real Name: Christian Bryant

Seeming: Gangantuan Ogre

Court: Spring (Formerly Summer)

Age: Late 20's, Early 30's

Concept: Implacable Bouncer / Great Beast

Entitlement: None. Dzxoxian detests most Changeling Nobility on principle.

Character Livejournal: Songofthebeast

Personality: The best word to describe Dzxoxian is 'massive.' This is not only due to his size, but also to his strength of personality. Ox has a quick wit and a magnetic force of personality, and is nearly possible to ignore when he's in the room (mostly because there's significantly less room for everyone else.) He is not very intelligent, but thinks very quickly on his feet and can command the attention of a ballroom if roused. He is exceedingly blunt, and will usually handle problems in a very direct fashion that usually involve a joke, violence, crude sexual advances, or some combination of all three. He is a bully and a bravo, and rarely feels any desire to pretend to be otherwise. For all this, he has many friends, since he is open, stalwart, and loyal to those who put up the rough aspects of his personality and accept him as he is.

In his recreational time, Ox puts his wit, his personal charisma, and his twisted sense of humor to work, and will entertain himself and those around him with jokes, humorous and outrageous stories, and nasty pranks. However, Ox is very fair in his abuse, and usually makes himself the butt of his own jokes more than anyone else. He is unrepentant in his attitude and humor, and will never apologize for himself unless he feels it is extremely necessary for the safety of anyone of anything he cares for. He largely wants people around him to enjoy themselves and have fun, and does not take kindly to overly serious-minded individuals who attempt to restrain his or his charges' enjoyment.

When he's working on a job, however, he is a grim, silent mass, radiating an aura of immediate violence, making most sensible folks with any sense of self-preservation think twice about thwarting him. He has been paid to simply stand inside the door to a club with his arms crossed and scowl after the club owner noticed that violence in the club was significantly less likely to happen when this happened. If the task, battle, or job begins to turn on him, however, his facade begins to crack. Sometimes, he will go berserk, and just begin smashing everything in his path. Most times, however, he will just laugh and begin to mock whatever foe or force opposes him at the time.

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Physical Description

Mask: Dzxoxian exudes power, strength, and solidity in every step, every gesture, every sure movement that he makes. A massive man, he stands over seven feet tall, with powerful shoulders and a solid frame that tapers slightly at his waist, only to grow knotted and hard at his large, muscular legs. He has short dark hair, a short pointed goatee, deep-set eyes that glare out from a heavy brow, and a strong chin. His hands can easily palm basketballs, his arms look longer than they should be, and his huge legs end in surprisingly short feet.

Mien: His Seeming is even more enormous than his mask, standing nearly eight feet tall. His mouth looks like a thin, pressed line when closed, and a wide, gaping maw lined with sharp, pointed teeth when open. He looks unfinished, like a statue exposed too long to the elements growing weathered and eroded, and his skin is gray, leathery, and scarred. His eyes are sunk so deep beneath a heavy, brooding brow that they are generally only visible when they produce a sullen crimson glow, usually when Dzxoxian is roused to anger. His chin comes to a point with a small grouping of horns, which create the suggestion of his mask's goatee. His surname comes from the two pale, heavy horns that protrude from his head. The left one was broken long ago in Arcadia, and Dzxoxian refuses to speak of it.

Mantle: In both aspects, Ox's Mantle comes through. He is usually surrounded by an aura and aroma of cinnamon, ginger, cloves, and other spicy, hot floral and herbal scents. There remains a slight smell of smoldering embers, the remnants of his former Summer Mantle.

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Character Information

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Known History

Basic Timeline: Returned from Arcadia a year ago. More to come.

Current Activities: Bouncer of a hip bar in Ybor City, Loyal vassal of the Fen of Brambles Freehold

Merit Details: Giant

Background: Dzxoxian was kidnapped from his mortal life and forced to work by his Keeper as a shephard of his Lady's mountain range. He was twisted into his gigantic Orge Seeming and forced to endure backbreaking labor day after day and forced to fight other giants for his Mistress's amusement night after night. After his escape from Arcadia, he discovered that his life, as he knew it, was gone, his future, filled with promise and possibility, was also gone, and he had nothing left. He has been out of the Hedge since October 14, 2006, and has spent much of that time learning the ways of Changeling life. He joined the Summer Court, a firm believer in their cause at the time, dedicated to the pursuit of distributing "justice" in a violent and morally flexible fashion. After being a loyal member of the Iron Spear for over a year, however, he ended up finding his true calling in the Emerald Court, to which he has found to be much more in line with his personality and humor. In the real world, he works as a bouncer in clubs all over the Tampa Bay area, earning enough money to maintain a small apartment. For now, he seems to be waiting. He watches his Fetch from a distance, watching, stalking. He knows he will kill the usurper, but still holds out a small sliver of hope that his mortal life can be reclaimed. For now, he is patient, but it is only a matter of time before the violence in his heart grows too great to restrain any longer.

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Motley - The Silhouette Guardians

  • Formed with Celest & Van Silverstorm, a pair of siblings who are a Winter Darkling and a Summer Fairest, respectively.


"The Silhouette Guardians" is a motley formed by three Changelings who escaped the Hedge together, and have dedicated themselves to ensuring that they never fall back into Arcadia's cluthes. They base themselves on the idea of the balance of opposing forces, such as light and dark, male and female, masculine and femine, Summer and winter, yin and yang. To that end, they only allow their members to be composed of male members of the Summer Court and female members of the Winter court.

They hunt down instances of Fae activity in the real world, determine whether or not it could pose a threat to themselves, other Changelings, and unsuspecting mortals. If it is a threat to mortals, or themselves, they destroy it. If it a danger to another Changeling, they give him a chance to offer remuneration or reward in exchange for their handling of the problem. If it is too great a threat for them to handle, they regroup and recruit aid if they feel it presents too great a danger to be allowed to run about unchecked.

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Character Inspirations

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Soundtrack

  • The Used - "The Bird & the Worm"
  • Korn - "Here to Stay"
  • AC/DC - "Dirty Deeds (Done Dirt Cheap)"
  • AC/DC - "Hell's Bells"
  • Metallica - "Nothing Else Matters"
  • Nine Inch Nails - "Only"
  • Nine Inch Nails - "Here to Stay"
  • Daft Punk - "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger"
  • Bachman-Turner Overdrive - "Takin' Care of Business"
  • Lynyrd Skynyrd - "Simple Man"
  • Audioslave - "Like a Stone"
  • Avenue Q - "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist"
  • Dennis Leary - "(I'm an) Asshole"
  • DaVinci's Notebook - "Enormous Penis"
  • Monty Python - "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life"
  • Mussorgsky - "Night on Bald Mountain"
  • Godsmack - "Serenity"
  • Gorillaz - "Clint Eastwood"
  • Rage Against the Machine - "Killing in the Name"

- Toi's Songs for Ox

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Rumors

  • Dzxox was going to join the Autumn Court, but declined.
  • Dzxox stalls certain people for hours at the club he bounces for in order to enrage them and harvest Glamour.
  • Dzxox was kidnapped by his Keeper from State Prison.
  • Dzxox use to be normal sized, attractive, educated, and popular before he was taken.
  • He supposedly carried five other Changelings out of Arcadia when he escaped.
  • His escape was entirely engineered by Celest.
  • Dzxoxian has killed his stepfather.
  • Dzxoxian listens to Broadway musicals and has a beautiful singing voice.
  • Dzxoxian has made a deal with his fetch that he will not kill the fetch in exchange for money and Glamour.
  • Dzxoxian hates spiders.
  • Dzxoxian had to change mortal identities after shattering every bone in a man's hand once.
  • Dzxoxian's favorite party trick is to douse himself in red paint and do what he calls his "Kool-Aid man impression." He allegedly last performed it at one of Rift's parties. The wall was only recently fixed.
  • Ox doesn't remember how many Changelings he's helped kill or return to Faerie since his escape. He can't remember; thanks to the charm worn round his neck that blocks those memories from his waking mind.
  • Want to hear a dirty joke? Dzxoxian and Zoe Edwards walk into a lobby after being stuck in an elevator together for three minutes .......
    • Insert the name "Edria Meredith" or any other woman that's openly spoken for. He's tapped them all.
  • Ox has only joined the Spring Court to win a bet with his Motley mates.
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Quotes, Opinions, Friends, & Enemies

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Inspirational Quotes

"Some rainy winter Sundays when there's a little boredom, you should always carry a gun. Not to shoot yourself, but to know exactly that you're always making a choice." - Lina Wertmuller

"And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh." -Friedrich Nietzsche

"Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action." - Benjamin Disraeli

"Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be slain." - G. K. Chesterton

"I know indeed what evil I intend to do, but stronger than all my afterthoughts is my fury, fury that brings upon mortals the greatest evils." - Euripides

"Do you know that disease and death must needs overtake us, no matter what we are doing? What do you wish to be doing when it overtakes you? If you have anything better to be doing when you are so overtaken, get to work on that." - Epicetus

"Given the choice between the experience of pain and nothing, I would choose pain." - William Faulkner

"Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be." - Kurt Vonnegut

"It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things."

"Men ought either to be indulged or utterly destroyed, for if you merely offend them they take their vengeance, but if you injure them they are unable to retaliate, so that the injury done to a man ought to be such that vengeance cannot be feared." - Niccolo Machiavelli

"Consider your origins: you were not made that you might live as brutes, but so as to follow virtue and knowledge." - Dante, The Divine Comedy

"First, say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do." - Epictetus

"Act as if the maxim of your action was to become through your will a universal law of nature." - Immanuel Kant

"There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts being broken by love, but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream--whatever that dream might be." - Pearl S. Buck

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General Quotes

"What is it about being pretty that makes Ogres want to throw you over their shoulders?" - Van, his Fairest motley member

"Anyone who puts that much energy into looking that pretty WANTS to be thrown over someone's shoulders...they just get mad because we're not the ones they want to do it, but we're the only ones willing." - Dzxox.

---

"I had a life. I had a family. I had looks, money, prospects, and big, shiny fucking future. I want it back. I want it ALL fucking back."

---

"The giant penguin in the fridge was weird. The huge spider in the closet was creepy as hell. The dried, empty penguin husks next to the spider were seriously fucking disturbing. Trying to warn the penguin about the spider was stupid. Trying to SHOW the penguin the spider was totally batshit loco. Pounding on the spider with my fists until its insides became its outsides was fucking gross. But you know what? All of that shit seemed downright fucking normal compared to the penguin growing fangs and starting to eat the spider. This kind of shit is EXACTLY why I keep saying the Autumn Court is all messed up."

---

"Man, I could have told you that two woman getting drunk together is a bad idea, and I'm a big dumb Ogre. The only reason you get two women drunk together is if you're trying for a threesome."

---

"Traveling the Hedge in Tampa is interesting, because it's not like the Hedge anywhere else. The whole thing is a giant swamp, and you only know you're on the trods when you're on dry land, or, more often, only walking through six inches of water. The only way you figure out you're off the trods and in the Thorns is when you find yourself completely underwater in poisonous sludge and something's eating your face."

---

"Us huge guys all have an instant understanding with each other, even if we've never met before. We understand that huge guys are good people in ways tiny folks could never be. it's like you're walking down the street and see a gigantic dog laying in a yard. Sure, it might pick up its head, look at you, maybe growl a bit, but what it's thinking is this: 'Hey, guy. I see you, you see me, and we have got to reach an understanding. I'm laying in this yard, it's a beautiful day, I'm having a fan-fucking-tastic time laying here in this warm grass, and I'm sure you're having fan-fucking-tastic time walking down that there street and whistling or wacking off or whatever the fuck it is you're doing. So, how about this: You stay on your side of the fence, I stay on mine, and that way no one has to have their face ripped off, or get put down by animal control, or whatever. 'K? Great, have an awesome day.' That's how huge guys think. It's like, sure I could punch you in the face, then you break my ribs, I shatter your knee, you dislocate my shoulder, and so on and so forth until all we're left with is a ruined day and a massive amount of property damage, but that just seems exhausting. Huge guys will rarely start anything with another huge guy...it's usually some tiny asshole that starts shit, coming yapping in like some brainless Chihuahua, gnawing at the huge guy's ankle in some weird little rage. I don't know why...maybe little people's brains aren't as big, or need to compensate for their tiny junk. Who knows? Maybe that's why huge guys are so cool with each other: we know it's only a matter of time until some little fucker comes in and screws everything up, and we want to enjoy the peace and quiet until it happens."

---

"I know I'm driving soon, that's why I switched to something non-alcoholic." - Ox
"Oh, so that's water?" - party guest pointing to Ox's glass of clear liquid
"No, Coconut rum." - Ox

---

"Man, I've been catching up on my cinema, and fuck Shrek! He's the pussiest Ogre ever. I mean, OK, the first movie isn't so bad...Ogre gets the hot chick, little dude gets eaten, and girl gets all fat and gross after they get married...seems pretty realistic to me. But the second movie...what the hell was that shit? Turn into a fucking human, keep your wife a fucking human instead of the both of you being all fat and green, kill the frog king, eat the goddamn donkey, take the kingdom, and bone your mother-in-law on the side...What? Julie Andrews does it for me. Don't judge me."

---

"I can't stand goblins. They combine the worst qualities of a mafia hitman, a child molester, and a used car salesman, all in one tiny, unattractive green package."

---

"People keep saying I have a 'heart of gold,' or some such crap. I know that's not true, 'cause if I did, I would have dug it out and sold it a while ago."

---

"Wherever there are desperate chicks with low self-esteem and daddy issues, I'm there."

---

"What!?! You're going to lay out this enormous feast in front of me, and then tell me TO MY FACE I can't eat any of it? How about this, I'll hit you until candy comes out, and then I'll eat that instead! Would that be better for you?"

---

"So Cel comes up to me and asks me to be the Fool of the Fen of Brambles. I say, 'Well, what the fuck does that mean,' and she says, 'You basically have to make fun of everybody and point out all my bad calls and poor judgment publicly while I'm queen.' I mean, damn. She might as well have given me fifty bucks and told me to just go out and be myself."

---

"Let me explain Ogre physics to you...the bigger an ego someone has, the more damage they do as a missile when you throw them at something. It's all very scientific."

---

"How DO you make babies?" - Gwyn "Ahhh...well, when two people love each other very, very much, or are really drunk, and the guy's wife is out of town, they have a kind of special hug where they...you know what? Ask Storm." - Ox, trying very hard to dodge that bullet

---

"Most people compensate for their tiny penis with fast cars, expensive suits, huge home theater systems, and gobs of loose cash. I have a broke-ass Jeep, t-shirts and jeans, a TV with rabbit ears, and about $2.17 in change under my sofa cushions, all of which I have to compensate for with my enormous penis."

---

"Let's play a quick game of 'Shut the Fuck up or You'll be Pissing Blood.' Oh, sorry, you just lost."

---

"You can't always follow the rules. When I first started working last spring, I took this piece of crap warehouse job, lifting sacks and crates and shit. Before we could start working, we had to take this 'lifting class' where they spent three fucking hours telling us all the right and wrong way to pick up heavy things and put them down again. We were told that anything over 50 pounds is considered at least a 'two-man lift,' and we could be fucking fired if we attempted to move something that heavy by ourself. So, naturally, I thought to myself, 'What the fuck? Do they mean to tell me that every time I have to take a leak, I need to bring some other dude into the bathroom with me? No fucking thank you!' So, see, sometimes you just need to think for yourself."

---

"All right, new rule, everybody! No one try and teach the Ogre new things! Every time you do, I lose something from my brain that I might have needed...what's-her-face here just started talking to me about so-called 'imaginary numbers,' and I lost all memory of my last shit. This might have been nothing special, or it could have been some epic battle against a monster with fangs and claws that I had to kill and break in half with a fucking tire iron in order to flush...and now, I'll never know. So let's be careful about this in the future, OK?"

---

"I never really got into football, you know? I mean, what, a bunch of oily, sweaty dudes grabbing and grasping after a ball, smacking each other on the ass and then showering together? It's like gay sex, only sponsored by Nike and Budweiser."

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The Courts

The Spring Court:

  • "Yeah, yeah, peace, love, and naked rabbits giggling and fucking while getting all messed up on sunshine and goofballs. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to be back in the world, too, I've just got better shit to do than running around looking for new things to stick my dick in."
  • "Now that I've joined the Emerald Court, I'm a lot more comfortable with myself. Back when I first came out of the Hedge, I thought the only way to spite our Keepers was to hit them in the face with a shovel and rape them with a sideways rake. Now I know that every minute I spend having fun, enjoying myself, and encouraging other Lost to do the same thing is like squirting a gallon of hot, steaming cum into my Keeper's eyes...it makes it hard for my Keeper to see me, makes her look ridiculous, and makes me feel awesome."
  • "Since I went Spring, the only faeries I party with now have color-coordinated wardrobes and dance clubs with the good '80's dance music."

The Summer Court:

  • "When I came out of the Hedge, I was told that there are basically four groups of Changelings: One sings Kumbaya and tries to have sex with the world to forget Arcadia, one cuts their wrists and acts all goth 'cause life sucks, ones molests spiders and acts all goth 'cause they're wierd, and the last says 'Fuck this shit' and beats in the face of anyone and anything that tries to take us or anyone else back into the lands beyond the Hedge. Guess which one I chose?"
  • "Well, OK, I've left the Summer Court, but it's not like I disagree with them. They're all about hitting stuff in the face and protecting everyone else from suffering like the rest of us have. My problem was more that my anger was caused by my desires than it was a free-standing emotion, and I kind of had a problem with the "everyone else" part of the Court. I'll save my friends and people I like, but if 94% of certain groups were locked up in a huge box with a giant sticker that said: 'FedEx next-day Arcadia Xpress Mail,' and 'Dancing With the Stars' was on...well, you get the idea. But I still get along with these guys...mostly because I really LIKE hitting stuff in the face."

The Autumn Court: "Look, if you want to fuck corpses, sneak around in little kids' closets, yell 'Boo!' and jack off to the 'Friday the 13th' movies, fine, it's cool. I understand.
...
No, you know what? I don't fucking understand. You guys are fucking creepy."

The Winter Court: "No, no, it's totally cool if you go hide in the shadows and cry while I go find the mean goblin who beat you up and took your lunch money. See, fortunately, I was born with testicles."

The Courtless: "Oh, for fuck's sake, pick a side! Sure, I'm glad you think you can stand against the Keepers on your own, but what do you have to hide, that you've got to remain apart from everyone else? Man up, fuck something, hit a bitch, scare a toddler, play Sarah MacLachlan, cut yourself, and cry, I don't fuckin' care, just DO something!"

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Seemings

Beasts: "I tend to like these guys. More often than not, they're honest & direct, good in a fight, and they'll usually forget what they're mad about if you scratch them behind the ear. Plus, their ladies are tigers in the sack."

Darklings:

  • "Let's sing all together now! 'They're creepy and they're kooky, mysterious and spooky, they're all together ooky, The Darkling See-EEE-eeming! Buh duh duh DUHN!' (Snap Snap) 'Buh duh duh DUHN!' (Snap Snap) 'Buh duh duh DUHN! Buh duh duh DUHN! Buh duh duh DUHN!' (Snap Snap) Their house is...hey, where're you going? There's two more verses!"
  • "Getting it on with a Mirrorskin is like a two-person orgy."

Elementals: "I once saw a man that looked like the bastard love-child of Keith Richards and an oak tree get hit by a bus, then stand up and dust himself off. I don't mind saying that was fucking impressive. Of course, he had the personality of a serial killer, only without the warmth, so my heart also kinda went out to his girlfriend, who was driving the bus. But, that's love for you."

Fairest:

  • (Cracks Knuckles) "Yeah. I get it. Keep moving, pretty boy."
  • The Fairest Draconic said to Ox, "Well? Now what, Ogre? We are equally matched in might and skill. We will gain nothing if we violently contend here this day." Ox smirked and snarled, "Oh, we might not gain anything...but you look like you have a LOT more to lose."
  • "Ugh...I don't know how these filthy Non-Ogres have sex, and I don't want to. I suspect it's got to be something pretty screwed up...like frolicking in green fuckin' meadows while they sing Disney songs and weave daisy chains, or something. The mind boggles."

Ogres: "See, what no one seems to understand is that us Ogres are generally decent people. We're honest, we won't bullshit you, and if we're gonna tear off your leg, fuck your eye socket, and piss on what's left, we'll be up front about it and make DAMNED sure you know why these terrible things are happening to you."

Wizened: "Yet another sign that brains don't bring happiness. Not all of them are mean, tiny bastards, though...some are actually kind of cool. I guess it ain't their fault they're bitter, hateful little creatures and crazier than cocaine on drugs."

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Fellows from The Fen of Brambles

(If you want to add yourself to this section, please do so and I'll add a quote about your character)

Ah, home, sweet home. I'd die for it, but I'd much rather kill for it. It's been my home before my durance, only now I'm expected to deal with hordes of grabby midgets, a host of mysteries, intrigues, criminals, monsters, pimps, hustlers, nightmares, users, takers, villains, and scum, and that's just including the real world. Crossing into the Hedge brings in goblins, poisonous bogs, dangerous Tokens, and weird shit that looks like the bastard offspring of the nightmares of Dali and Giger. It's like Survivor, only funnier.

His Motley, Celest & Van Silverstorm:

  • "If you'd have told me years ago that my two best friends, my family amoungst the Changelings, was going to be a Darkling, who I usually find creepy, and a Fairest, who are generally about as useless as tits on a bull (no offense, Van,) I probably would have laughed. Well, actually, I guess I would have either of been really confused, 'cause I would have had no idea what the hell you were talking about, and if it were after I was taken, I probably would have just tried to crush and eat you, but you get the idea. But we've been through Hell together, and we've all come out together. So whatever the fuck else Hell has to offer, I'm sure as shit not going through it without the two of them."
  • "The two of them are fighting with each other, again, and you want me to get involved? Sorry, no. You see this scar on my shoulder? Cel's knife. See this claw mark? Van's right hook. See this in my hand? This is my newspaper. Now fuck off and leave me to it." (Sound of paper rustling) "Oh, Garfield, you are such a lazy kitty!"
  • "So there's this guy, some Darkling from up north, who's interested in Cel, and I think she might be interested in him, too. Now, she's like my big sister, 'cause she looks out for me, and my little sister, 'cause a lot of social stuff is pretty new and scary to her and I try to help her get by...not to mention, I choke fools who give her shit. So, I'm not sure how I feel about all of this, but I'm gonna go discuss it with my friends Jack, Jim, the Captain, and the Cuervo twins, and I'll get back to you."
  • "You know, not many people get me and Van at first glance. And, well, yeah, I can get what they're thinking, because one of us is this handsome, irresistable dynamo of sexual energy and charisma, and the other is this nancy-boy Fairest, but it's more than that. See, my main objection with most Fairest is they get everything easy, get the best shit in life handed to them on this fucking golden platter, and then fucking complain about all this great shit they've got going for them, like they actually have some kind of real problem. However, unlike some bastards, Van heaves and sweats down with me and the rest, works DAMN hard for everything he has, and fights like a tiger (or dragon, if you prefer,) to keep it. That I can respect. Now, if we can only get him a few more scars, I'll make him an honorary Ogre, not to mention irresistable to the ladies. But those two things go hand in hand, anyway."

Echo: "She and Celest tie for the 'Sneakiest Bitches on Earth' award. I'm not really sure what she does in the real world other than cheat Rift out of his easily-earned money, and I have the feeling that I really, really don't fucking want to know what she does in the Hedge if I want to stay sane."

Rift Hendrix:

  • "Rift is...well, he's Rift, see? He came out of the Hedge with me, Cel, Van, Echo, and Jack, so that makes us tight...like family, almost. But what really makes us buddies, in spite of the fact that he's a use-free Fairest that seems to get money, chicks, and respect for doing absolutely fuck-all, and can't throw a punch unless it's in a crystal bowl, is this: The first time he was trying to convince me to work security at one of his gigs, he didn't offer me money, Glamour, or prestige...he just walked up to me with a hot, drunk twin under each arm and offered to introduce me. I gotta love a guy with that kind of style."
  • "You know, Rift, one of these days, you're going to get your face bashed in, and it's probably going to be done by me."

Kalen Blazenheart: "When I came out of the Hedge, I was strung out on mind-blowing fear and rage, could barely speak, and was ready to start tearing everything and everyone around me into tiny pieces until shit started making sense to me again. I met Kalen first, and she basically hit me in the face until I stopped being an idiot and I remembered I once was a human fuckin' being. She beat me, tormented me, hounded me night and day for months, and saved me from being a rabid thing that had to be put down. So just remember, new fish, if she ever even hints that she doesn't like you, I'll stomp on your head so hard people will think I've been fucking Riverdancing in ten gallons of red paint."

Wayland Smith: "Wayland's a hell of a guy, and let me tell you...he brings a brand-new, exciting element of danger to the sport of dwarf tossing, especially if he's carrying his hammer and doesn't know that he's the ball until he's airborn."

Jandori: "First time I ever met Jan, I thought she looked like Dracula's pumpkin whore...long story. She's definitely someone worth knowing and can get you whatever the hell you might need, but trust me...there's crazy hiding behind that changing face. Granted, it's some fucking awesome crazy...but 'fucking awesome' in the way that a bar fight is 'fucking awesome' - it's fun as hell, but you never know if you're going to catch a knife in the back or not."

Thomas Thorn: "You know, he may be a sneaky, manipulative, evil, power-hungry, hateful, twisted little shit..." "...But?" "What? No, no but. I was done. Hell, I think I might have just been admiring him."

Nwabudike Osi-Kofi: "On one hand, I've got to appreciate anyone who's such an obvious bastard and doesn't fucking apologize to anyone about it. On the other, he profits on the fear and misery of women and children, so if I happened to walk by while he was on fire, and I'd just drank a 12-pack of PBR, I think I'd just keep walking. I might piss on him if he weren't on fire, though."

Benjakai: "Ok...Let's be real clear. I'm not saying she ain't sexy, in that "Fatal Attraction" kind of way. And I'm not saying that, given the opportunity, I wouldn't tap that ass like a maple in Vermont. I'm just saying that I would be keeping track of all my bits before, after, and especially during the act itself. Like boning a smoking hot bear trap, or dating Paris Hilton without buying rubbers. It's the risk of death and dismemberment that makes it so attractive."

Jack Lennon: "When I hang out with him, I start thinking to myself that maybe I've been wrong about the Autumn Court, and maybe this guy ain't the scarecrow-fucking serial killer I thought he was. Then I leave, and feel like I want to scour off my skin with burning diesel fuel and drink about a gallon of boiling bleach until I feel clean again. I think I prefer the members of the Ashen Court who wear their creepy on the outside."

Revenant: "Then again, maybe I don't. I...uh, I gotta go..."

Kei: "All right, I admit that I'm a little jealous of this motherfucker. He's got a giant blue crystal sword that can cut through a goddamn Panzer tank, a fuckin' pocket gnome that makes everything he does awesome, and he moves faster that the wind on amphetamines. Heh, heh...but for all that, I'm thankful, too, because when he's fighting on the same field I am...well, let's just say that it's fuckin' nice when it's not the guy who's damn near eight feet tall, dark gray, has horns, and can bench a Dodge Ram that's drawin' all the big nasty's attention."

Mark Winters: "Winters is an interesting guy. First off, he's a huge fish-man in a giant coonskin cap. Second...well, really, if you need more than that for something to be cosidered 'interesting,' I can't help you. Still, he's loyal, he's friendly, and he's the kind of self-sacrificing motherfucker who's always willing to offer a gallon of hooch to a fellow Ogre when something cool's going on, like season changes, new people joining the Freehold, or days that end in 'y.' You know...the really special occasions."

Danny Darling: "The kid's all right, but weird, like all Wizened. Somehow, he's rude, he's offensive, he acts like he's got twenty better things to be doing when he's talking to you, and he's always fussy, complusive, and impatient, but he always does all these things in a way that's not only super polite, but kind of funny. It's like a fluffy kitten scratching your hand...you want to smack it across the room, but it's just so fuckin' cute how ferocious it thinks it is that you let it slide. If he could use his Magic 8-ball ability to predict the Cash-3 Lotto numbers for me, he'd be my favorite Wizened ever."

Rose White: "Rose looks like she belongs in some kind of doll museum...she's cold, beautiful, distant, and always looks like she was dressed for some rich little girl's tea party. Whenever I walk past her at the freehold, I always have this huge urge to turn to the nearest group of people, strike a 'tour guide' pose, and say, '...and here we have an example of a rare Winter Court china doll, auctioned at Sotheby's for 1.3 million pounds. Please remember that there is no flash photography permitted in the hall, and that souvenirs are available at the gift shop lobby.'"

Jack: "A bunch of people say he's a broken thing...violent, psychotic, and so broken to Thomas Thorn's will he might as well go around wearing a spiked collar and a leash. I say that he's an Ogre, and they should shut the fuck up if they know what's good for them. No one else knows what we've endured...what we've had to become. They don't want to know. They just need to learn that I'll never give up on one of my Seeming, and I'd rather side with the craziest, most twisted Ogre I can find rather than some assholes. Although, to be fair, Jack does go a long way towards fitting that description..."

[edit]

Takes on the Outside World

(Not a local? Don't sweat it...Dzxox has something to say about everyone. Put your name on the list, and Dzxoxian will unleash the full weight of his devastating personality on you.)

[edit]

From the House of Cards Freehold

Heh, heh...my second favorite place to hang my hat, if I could find one ridiculously huge enough to fit my head...and that's not even taking the horns into consideration. It's a great place, filled with lunatics, beautiful queens, alcoholics, dominatrices, thugs, walking Star Wars references, and dudes in Renn Faire costumes. Imagine your local goth club with no cover charge. But, if you do go, well, I hope you enjoy giant, man-eating animals. When the squirrels in the local Hedge eat meat, are the size of dobermans, and have a rudimentary military command structure, something is seriously fucked up with your Freehold. Ok, ok, I was lying...the squirrels' command structure isn't that rudimentary.

Gaius Arctorus:

  • "See, it's weird. He's a Fairest, he's military, and he's a noble, self-sacrificing type of motherfucker, which are all things I need like I need burning, poisonous goddamn cockroaches living in my ballsack, right? But for all that, he's actually pretty fucking cool."
  • "I always kinda suspected Gaius was a Frank Sinatra fan. I can totally see him on stage, bright lights on him, in his tights and tight leather armor and skirt, singing 'My Way.'" - On discussing what Gaius might like for Christmas

Edria Meredith:

  • "I was there, the day she became the new Autumn Queen of O-town, after the last one came down with a fatal case of 'being stabbed.' Sheesh...poor lady. Yeah, yeah...I know she's Autumn Court, and a Fairest to boot, but call me crazy if I don't have some goddamn sympathy for someone who gets jumped by weird magical shit and suddenly finds herself totally changed as a result. Ain't her fault, or choice, and I'll be damned if I don't give any Seasonal Queen or King their fucking due."
  • "I'm not real sure why she's in the Autumn Court...compared to most of the Autumns I know, she's a blooming rose in the middle of a weed-choked garden that only grows broken glass, skunk cabbage, spite, and straight-to-DVD torture porn flicks. She just doesn't seem to fit in with the rest of them. So, I started thinking, which is always a bad idea. I thought, hey, the Summer Court causes wrath and competition and shit, but they're usually the dudes most in need of anger management training, and while the Spring Court causes desire, they're the guys most looking to stick parts of themselves in anything with a hole that moves, and while the Winter Court is usually out breaking hearts and encouraging everyone to drink themselves to death, they're also the most sad-sack, depressed, morose motherfuckers you'll find in a Freehold. So I gotta ask myself...if Eddie ain't exactly scary, what is it that she's so afraid of?"
  • "I never expected to see it, but anger looks good on her...she should indulge it a little more often. God knows, she has more than enough reasons."

Durendal:

  • "People keep telling me he's not a Beast, but damn it, he's got feathers, wings, and kind of cocks his head to the side, letting you yammer on like an asshole, while he stares at you like he's trying to figure out which eye of yours he's going to pluck out. I guess I have to go back to the standard rule I've learned when dealing with Changelings: If it looks like a bird, talks like a bird, moves like a bird, and tells you it's an Elemental, it's probably a Darkling, a Wizened, or a '68 Chevy Impala."
  • "Now that I've been out drinking with him, I can definitely say that he's pretty much an ok guy, and there's really nothing wrong with him that a few bottles of liquid assistance, a court change, and a blowjob from a skilled professional couldn't cure."

Holly O' the Thorns:

  • "I'll be the first one to admit that I'm a giant asshole who unapologetically screws with anyone around me. I'll bully the weak, mock the vain, and taunt the emotionally frail. I'll tell the anorexic prom queen she looks like she's gained weight, and I'm the first one to clap when the waitress drops the full tray of food. I'm a dick, and I'm proud of it. Now, all that being said...I just don't have the heart to fuck with Holly. She's this tiny, shivering little thing that looks like she came out second best in a brutal mugging by a rainbow. She jumps five miles in the air when someone taps her on the shoulder. I mean, I'm a monster and all, but I think anyone who gets their jollies by messing with Holly needs to be the next focus of my gentle attention, because clearly they're in dire need of a challenge."
  • "Holly just keeps getting more and more awesome to me. First, she was this tiny, nervous, neurotic bundle of weird clown, and then I heard her tell a story. So, I start thinking she's an artistic genius with a severe personality disorder...like Bob Dylan, only festively colored, you know? Then she gets brutally tortured, and comes out mad as hell, spitting nails and hate, ready to start kicking ass in alphabetical order. I would have thought she would have had a psychotic break and hid in Hedge for the rest of EVER, but she surprised the shit out of me by joining the Summer Court. Now, I think she's one of the most interesting people I know, and watch her when I can...because who the hell knows what she does next."
  • "The rage inside her is kind of like a baby bear - right now, it's tiny, cute as hell, and you just want to pick it up and make a whole bunch of cooing sounds while you scratch it behind the ears. But anyone with any sense knows that's it's going to grow up to be a huge kodiak bear that would as soon tear out your lungs as looks at you."

Timothy Wood: "This man is a freakin' genius. I don't even know how many people I've met, hit, or been in a damned motley with who think that the best way to keep an eye on the shit happening in the Hedge is to go INTO the Hedge and look around. They don't seem to realize that, (a) there's more weird shit there than you can shake your junk at, and (b), the shit in there is not the fucking problem. Tim, brilliant, wise, beautiful man that he is, takes his Motley and keeps an eye on the damn gateways to the Hedge, and watches for dumbasses going in that shouldn't, and for things coming out that should have stayed the fuck put, all while staying HERE, in this world. This world might have murderers, users, pushers, soccer moms, and evil forces bent on mayhem and the raping of baby whales, but it's a damn sight better, and safer, than the goddamn Hedge."

Raph: "From what I've seen of Raph, he's a simple, loyal brute who's dumber than a sack of hammers. He doesn't do much else other than listen to his Motley, chase small animals, and lick people. He doesn't generally giving a flying fuck what other people think of him, he's hell-to-leather on things from the Hedge, and I think he's been known to be a little lax on the concept of where is and where isn't the proper place to relieve yourself. Obviously, he's my hero."

Chloe: "Hey, she's a lot more than a pretty face...she also has a fantastic ass. Plus, when you consider her friends, I'm sure she's more than capable of defending herself, before Tim rips off your face and Raph pees on what's left. Let's just say there's a good reason I haven't been hitting on her like a man jacked up on Viagra that's just been released after 20 years in jail."

Ryver: "Heh, heh, heh...yeah, Ryver's OK. I like hanging with him, and if the alcohol he sells is a little froo-froo for my taste, at least he knows when to bust out the hard liquor when it's called for. I just find it hilariously appropriate, and honest, that a member of the Winter Court, who gets off on despair and depression, is going around encouraging people to drink."

James Cornoa: "Ah, Snout...I kind of wonder why he bothers with the mask. I know, I know, blah, blah, blah, twisted, horrible appearance, yadda, yadda, yadda...I'll bet you five bucks I've woken up next to scarier things after a night of hard drinking. If people can't deal with it after all we've been through, then fuck 'em. Still, I can kind of understand...by wearing that ugly future football on his face, he knows that whatever you THINK might be under there is scarier to you than the truth."

Toi Breaker:

  • "...hmm? What? Oh, you want to know about Toi? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention...I was imagining I was climbing these two massive, smooth, creamy mountains, hoping to discover perfect joy and happiness when I reached the top. I don't think that has anything to do with Toi, though."
  • "Let me just say...this woman's a genius. She charges people $300 an hour to abuse them, mock them, beat them, and let them tell her she's a goddess and buy her things. The most I get when I do the exact same thing is some bruised knuckles, a few curses, some threats, and some weak pleas and cries of 'Not in the face, not in the face.' Clearly, she had a much better high school guidance counselor than I did. 'Course, if anyone ever told me I was a goddess, I'd probably beat them for free, anyway."
  • "You want to know what Toi does, Holly? Well, how do I put this...See, when a man loves a woman, and her feet, very, very much, and has a great deal of disposable income in the form of cash or non-tracable cashier's checks..."
  • "I know, meat, I know...this is the part of the movie where I say, 'Don't you mess with TB, or I'll hurt so bad you'll WISH you could still cry, and whine, and beg, "No, Ox, quit turning my spine into a pretzel!' See, only problem is, it don't work like that. See, you fuck with her, and I find you? I just beat on you until you're a giant, crunchy bag of bruise and broken bones. But you get her annoyed, and she gets those fine, delicately manicured talons of hers into you?" (Whistles) "Man, I don't know, and I don't want to. She's smart, creative, and will find a way to make you suffer horribly while you beg her to hurt you more. So here's what I'm gonna do, 'cause I'm feeling good today. Here's my phone number. You piss in her cheerios, you go ahead and give me a call. I'll even come pick you up. I know, I know, it sounds too nice to be true, but what can I say? I'm a giver."

Sophia McCarthy: "Ok...the first, and only, time I ever tried to talk to a newbie that was just fresh escaped from the Hedge, I accidentally let slip that his life as he knew it was over, no one had even missed him, he was living in a lame-ass future with no robots slaves or flying cars, and, somehow, gave this dude the impression that I was a giant homo. Sophia, on the over hand, does this EVERY FUCKING DAY and manages to make none of these mistakes. I now have a great deal more respect for her."

Cage Adams:

  • "Cage is one of weirdest Winters I've ever encountered. He doesn't hide much, from what I've seen, and always seems to be exposing himself to the hideous dangers and man-eating plants and animals of the O-town Hedge. The only "Winter" things I can see in him is that he wears a lot of black and might be suicidal, considering how he acts. Still, I like him...he's cool, and plus, he's a huge, black, flaming horse, so somewhere in all that is a joke about him being a giant-dicked homo that I haven't made up yet."
  • On finding out Cage had switched courts - "Wait...let me get this right. You switched from the Winter Court, the court of 'Wah, wah, life sucks' to the North Court, which is apparently 'all life is suffering.' Wow...that's some change, there, kiddo."

Drake: "Drake, huh? Well, as I recall, I first met Senor Shinypants when I was drinking, which may have made the situation better, or worse. Can't remember which. Anyway, since no one came to me after I sobered up and told me I had stomped on some shiny elf, I assume we got on OK. All I can remember is that he looked squeaky clean and seemed like one of those noble, virtuous motherfuckers you'd want your sister to date. The last part makes me think he's some kind of pimp, and the first makes me want to rub a mud puddle on him to see if it sticks. Maybe we'll go drinking again and I'll see if I can test either theory. Either way, I'm pretty sure I'd find it hilarious."

Blue:

  • "Holy shit, it's a Smurf with great cans!"
  • "When I first met Blue I was a little freaked out by her. I mean she's stunning, she's got bright blue spots on her cheeks, she never says a goddamn WORD, and she's constantly fuckin' smiling. It was a little weird, and I'd known her all for 20 minutes before she grabs my hand and, no shit, begins to paint it baby blue. It's just not often that you find someone brave or crazy enough to just walk up and paint an Ogre, and I'm not generally inclined to fuck with that someone, whichever the case may be."
  • "I've seen her kneel at the feet of some terrifying people, and let them pet her like some kind of pet. I've watched her look the prospect of furious anger and unbridled violence straight in the face without blinking, calm as a mountain pond. There's a depth to Blue...I sometimes think someone could throw everything bad in the world at her, and she could swallow it all up and respond with a smile. And yes, before you ask...it DOES weird me the hell out."

Bandabras Pelinor: "Who? Oh, you mean Band-Aid. Yeah, I know he looks like the usual sort of worthless pretty-boy you see all the time in the Fairest of the Spring Court, but trust me, he's not. I will tell the world, you've GOT to watch out for his strong right arm. But you what's even more dangerous than his right arm? His left arm. You just do not see it coming."

Victor Smith: "Ha...Victor! I like him...he's just further proof that Ogres really are the best kind of Changelings ever. I've met less sturdy mountain ranges! He's big, he's friendly, he can survive a point-blank blast from a nuclear warhead, and he'll squash you FLAT if you fuck with him or his. We've established an effective battle tactic for the two of us that really messes up anyone we fight: I pick them up and throw them really, really hard at Victor's chest. So far we've only used it on small things, like furniture, stone walls, and whole Hollows, but we're pretty sure it'll work on the big stuff as well."

Lily: "Lily is cute. And I mean, beyond cute. I mean dangerously cute. I mean so cute that she could rule the entire the world simply BY being cute. She blushes, says, "Oh, heavens, it's just ever so sad that I don't have a pretty flower, or a puppy, or a big, strong man to accompany me into the hedge, or that horrible little goblin's head on a stick," and before you know it, there's 17 guys right there, each of them carrying a bundle of roses, a basket of baby doggies, and a very surprised big, strong man holding a stick in each hand that both have fricasseed goblin bits on them. The really scary thing, for me, is that I'm one of the 17 guys."

Crazy: "Nice guy, for someone so tiny. He rolls with a good crowd, which says a lot about him. He keeps a low profile, which is odd for both a Spring Courtier and a Fireheart, but, hey, there's nothing wrong with that. Also, he's the first guy I've ever met who's tried to use me as a gymnastics swing. What? No, I said first GUY...and not like that, you pervert. Your mom has the honor of being the first woman to somersault on my balance beam, if you know what I mean...she brought new meaning to the term 'floor exercise.' Heh, heh."

Sellena Dallon: "Sellena's...well, a cat. She's furry, occasionally affectionate, occasionally aloof, prone to disappearing for days at a time for reasons she keeps entirely to herself, and, every once in a while, she'll bring home some unidentifiable furry thing in her mouth and drop it at your feet. What makes her different from a cat is that she won't always kill it before she gives it to you...every time she's at the House of Cards when I come to visit, I'm half terrified she's going to go into the Hedge and come out with some kind of fucking hungry, vicious monstrosity. The other half of me thinks that would be FUCKIN' AWESOME."

Winters Night: "When I first heard that her name was 'Winter,' I was like, oh, now come the fuck on, you've got to be fucking kidding me...a Winter Court Snowskin named 'Winter's Night?' I mean, Sweet Zombie Jesus, I might as well call myself 'Mr. Boudreaux Violence Bigdick McOgre-Gargantuanwitz', right? But see, then I met her, and discover that she's a goddamn ice statue that sits off to the side at a Freehold gathering playing the fucking harp. A HARP, for Christ's sake. So, I think I'm going to let her slide on the name."

Nicadeamus:

  • "Remember the new guy fresh from the Hedge I told you about? The one I told that he was in a crappy, robot-slaveless future and that I was a giant homo? Well, Nic was the other one. I'm going to level with you, he really creeps me out...and not just 'cause he looks giant man-shaped sushi. I mean, we're all different, but he's...alien."
  • "Oh, trust me...that bathrobe is the only thing he fucking wears. I looked up and saw him coming down the stairs..." <shudder> "The tentacles aren't just on his face. Oh, God...I'm gonna be sick."

Caleb: "The thing about Caleb is that...well...he's interesting. You'd think I have no use for this quiet, sensitive little clock-man who keeps to himself and disappears without a trace when people start getting loud. But it doesn't work like that. I have a hell of a lot of respect for Caleb, for three reasons. First, his serious attitude tends to put a damper on other people's shenanigans. Second, he actually DOES have a sense of humor, it just hides as well as he does. And third, I'm really, REALLY not convinced that he isn't secretly a huge badass that couldn't break out with some impressive-ass, crazy, X-Wing lifting Yoda shit."

Tani: "Cute kid, but I think she's a little too out of her depth. She seems more or less ok with all the batshit crazy that's going on around her, but there's a little bit of a 'Not the face, not the face, oh God please not the face' quality about her that seems a little strange. She's not fresh out of the Hedge, so why the hell is she all jumpy?"

Falcon: "I can very remember is it's him, or JayJay that I'm supposed to be sleeping with...well, who fucking knows, right? A lot of people talk a lot of shit about him, but in my book, Falcon's cool. The only thing is, I don't know if the Silent Arrow is right for him. The problem is his sense of humor - see, he has one."

JayJay: "I guess I can see why people some people think I'm boning him or Falcon...they're both a lot prettier than some of the things I've taken home after last call - but then, that's tequila for you. Anyway, he's fairly awesome, and that voice - let me tell you. I suspect that he could read from the phone book and I would find it more beautiful and deeply moving than listening to Dylan. Granted, that's not saying much."

Ty: "A fire Elemental in the Winter Court? It was something just so fuckin' funny, it had to be true. I wonder what'll happen as his Mantle gets stronger...me, I'm thinking he's eventually going to get so emo that he's going to put himself out, and become some new fucking Kith, like 'Ash,' 'Coal,' or 'Duraflame.'"

[edit]

From the Pillars of the Season Freehold

Dog: "Dog is basically the best Wizened ever. He's laid back, only says what he thinks is important, and is happier than a pig in shit when you scratch him behind the ear. Dude even shares his snacks. Sure, they're crayons, but it's the spirit of the fucking thing. Still, the thing about a dog is...you always gotta wonder who's holding its leash."

Gwyneira: "When I first met Pollyanna, I kept hearing about how you don't want to piss her off and what an implacable badass she is when riled, and I'll be honest with you - I really wanted to fight her. I mean, really fight, you know, really try to kick her ass? The thing is, it's a sucker's bet...If I win, I just beat the hell out of a tiny blond girl that's a thousand times smaller than me. But if I lose, I just got my ass kicked by Mary Fuckin' Sunshine. It's just not fair."

Storm: "Now if you just look at the guy by himself, he looks pretty bad-ass - his eyes flashing, his hair's all sparks and lightning and shit...like he could set you on fire with his mind, right? But, see, here's the problem: Whenver I see the dude, he's always rolling around with Dog and Gwyn. Now, I'm told Dog is this master crafter or builder or baiter or whatever, and Gwyn's supposedly some kind of unrelenting, unstoppable badass, but none of this CHANGES the fact that when you're constantly followed around by a tiny, curly-haired, painfully cute little blond girl and some dirty guy eating crayons, you can't help but look like some weird babysitter for the Brady Bunch and Life Goes On. Poor guy."

[edit]

From the Youthful Springs Freehold

Aaron: "What? He's a Beast? I thought for sure he was a Fairest. See, now I feel guilty for thinking he was an arrogant, worthless, preening waste of flesh. I didn't realize that he was a furry arrogant, worthless, preening waste of flesh. My bad."

Brand: "I think everyone who's met me knows how I feel about people that use things like "thy" and "foreasmuch" in sentences like they're real words. Still, for all that, he's Summer Court, he's a hell of a fighter, and he once healed my arm without asking for anything in return. Normally that would make me suspicious, but I get the idea that's just how he is. So, all told, I'm glad he's one of us. Still, if I ever start acting, talking, or dressing like him, shoot me."

Sylfaen Winters: "Queen Winters...heh, heh, heh...that's still funny, by the way. I wonder, do you think it was just 'Queen Winter' her first year on the throne? Ha! But, yeah, I met her...although most of the time, I was calling her Rebecca, because it was a Winter Masque and I had no idea who she was. Even disguised, though, she definitely had a coldness...a chilly kind of calm that said she'd have the same response if you gave her a spoonful of delicious jam as she would if your heart grew fangs and chewed its way out of your chest to curse and hurl obscenities about her mother...which is to say, in both cases she'd tilt her head, look slightly curious at the whole affair, and try to make sure that you didn't get any kind of mess on her pretty outfit."

Zoe Edwards: "Who? Oh, Sir Licks-a-Lot's future bride...heh, heh, heh...right, right, I remember. We've only met the once, but I get the impression she's a little different from most Fairest...she looks all bright, shiny, and full of yummy goodness, but you get the feeling that there's something rotten inside." <Chuckles> "Maybe it's her taste in men."

[edit]

From stranger parts

Adrian Layne: "He's arrogant, a braggart, a show-off, a jerk, and I'm surprised he doesn't stop at mirrors to try and vigorously make out with himself...and yet I STILL want to be him when I grow up, somehow. This guy is walking proof that if you just act like you're awesome, people will treat you like you're awesome."

Ae Lament: "First time I ever see this woman, she's standing next to Eddie, who I discover later is her identical twin sister, and I think I'm having the sexiest hallucination ever. But, as it turns out, she's very real, and after we had a chance to talk about some stuff, I asked to see her topless and she put out a few cigars on me. So, all in all, I think I made a friend."

Antonia Belarus: "When Rift walked up to me and asked if I'd met Queen Antonia, my first thought was that she was way out of his league. The second was that she looks EXACTLY like a Disney princess, with her gown, her cheerful smile, and the flowers in her hair. She looked like someone you couldn't resist mussing up and debasing, just to see if you could...of course, that's probably a trap. Or advertising - she did admit she owns shares in Disney."

Dragon: "So this Fairest Draconic calls himself 'Dragon.' I told him he could call me 'Ogreitz Gargantuanstein' and explained I only call myself that because I'm Jewish and the name's been in the family for generations. I don't think he got it."

C Faraday: "I met C in Cleveland, of all fucking places, and I have no fucking clue why I started talking to some strange chick that looked like she'd rolled around in white Christmas lights and buried her nose in some book about robots and space travel. Still, the next thing I know, we're high-fiving over both belonging to the Spring Court and agreeing that we should be living in a world with robot slaves, moon trips, and some goddamn flying cars. It just goes to show you that there's a little bit of fuckin' awesome hiding in everyone...provided you're a Spring Courtier or an Ogre, of course."

Candy: "So I turn around, and there she was, looking like a supermodel who just rolled around in Charlie's motherfucking Chocolate Factory. Actually, no, fuck that, not a supermodel...something so fucking gorgeous that she made supermodels look like those crazy hobo bag ladies that scream incoherently at you at the bus stop and smell like Early Times and old urine. I managed to stutter, stare at her breasts, and mutter 'Oh, shit...titties!' before I reached over to a table, grabbed a pitcher of ice water, and dumped the whole thing down the front of my pants. This is why I hate the Fairest...they don't even have to DO anything to you to derail your whole fucking day."

Dub: "So this dude apparently took money to hit Blue with an axe. Naturally, I tried to rip off his fucking face, but later I find out that he's really just this dumb guy that kind of goes along with what his friends tell him to do. I figured, shit, I can relate to that...seems like the kind of guy I could grab a beer with, you know? I mean, I'll still tear off his head and wear it like a little hat if he tries it again, but at least now I'd kinda feel a little bad about it."

Holly Poppet: "I'd never even met her before she came to Tampa, to take part in the Winter Masque...I didn't know her, and just thought she was another too-pretty example of Spring Fairest uselessness. Then Cel fell ill and wouldn't wake up...and Holly never left her side. This creature I'd dismissed as an empty ornament stayed with us, cooked for us, and kept me, Van, and Wayland from tearing each other into tiny bits in frustration while we could only watch, wait, and hope Cel got better. We owe Holly a debt we cannot easily repay, and I suggest you remember that before you let me find out you've fucked with her...she'd tell you desire can be one of the most awful feelings you could ever experience, but I'm willing to bet you'd rather feel that than feel your legs threaded through your throat and out your nostrils."

Jason Callum: "I have no idea who that is, but you say he's Summer Court, and that's enough for...what? He's a spider? ... Umm...OK, then. Well. Uh. Well, I'm sure he's still probably ok...what? What the fuck are the Partisans? That sounds suspiciously like it's Mississippian for Praesidium. You know what? Fuck it. If he wants to come drink with me, I might change my mind, but for now, the official state policy of the glorious kingdom of Ox-ghanistan is 'Screw this guy.'"

Johnny Thorn: "You want to know who Johnny Thorn is? Well, I've never met the man, but I've never let that stop me from gossiping about a celebrity before. OK...imagine a completely dark room. Now, imagine a light comes on in the center of the room, and there in the middle is Johnny Thorn. He then starts singing Freddie Mercury's part on Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody - "Is this the real life, is this just fantasy," and goes on through the "I don't want to die, I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all" part. Then, as he starts singing "I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me," a light comes on to his left, showing the entire Thorn family, and THEY sing "he's just a poor boy from a poor family, spare him his life from this monstrosity," and when he sings "will you let me go," they sing "Bismillah! We will not let you go!" and THEN a light comes on to his right and there's the entire Praesidium singing "Let him go!" They go back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, until Johnny STANDS UP, and fucking BELTS "Beelzebub has a devil put aside for meeee, for MEEEEE, for MEEEEEEEEEE!!!" and then everyone starts head-banging.
...
THAT'S Johnny fuckin' Thorn."

Laurel Thorn: "I may have been wearing Rift's face at the time, but I'm willing to bet money that I'm the only Lost who's ever flashed Laurel Thorn for beads."

Maverick JW McGraw: "Maverick, or JW, or, as I remember him, Ogre Tex, is really all right. First time I met him, he was putting out a massive spread of Barbeque that was near enough to make a massive Ogre weep with joy. Usually, when I'm all fucked up, my only option is the 24-hour McDonald's when I only have $1.67 in small change, so it made me almost sad that I was in perfect health, since a stranger was offering me a feast of rich, excellent food. Not sad enough to stop me from eating almost an entire cow's worth of meat, mind you, but still pretty sad."

Old Hob: "I'm not saying he's an unnecessarily creepy, twisted, evil psychopathic killer that touches himself inappropriately at the thought of human suffering...no, seriously, I'm not saying it. He'd eat me alive, slowly, just to prove me right."

Penelope Mal: "Oh, right, her...I guess you could say I ran into Penny last summer in some dive bar in Port Sutton...or, more accurately, my face ran into her fist a few times in the course of polite conversation. Ha ha ha! No, no, I didn't really mind...I found her in the middle of a massive bar fight, and was pretty surprised to see it was a Changeling I didn't know that had started it all...well, at least until she broke my nose, that got me unsurprised quick. Anyway, after I broke some of her ribs and she kicked me in face a few more times, we got to talking and found out we had a lot in common. I invited her to come hang out any time she felt like, and she laughed, called me a pussy, and chucked a beer bottle at my head before stealing some guy's car and driving off. I thought I was in love until I realized she'd picked my pocket, too. But really, what relationship is perfect?"

Summer: "When I got told Summer was with the Thorns, I about fell out of my chair. I have no fuckin' clue why she stays with this sick crew of poisonous snakes, violent psychopaths, nightmarish freaks, cliched villians, and twisted forces deadly beyond imagination. All I can say is that they don't fucking deserve her."

[edit]

Outside Opinions

(Put your quotes about Dzxoxian here, if so inclined)

  • "Ox? I've only met him briefly but I appreciated his honesty. Yes yes, autumn, all that nonsense. That doesn't mean I can't value a solid opinion, a good heart, and a strong arm." - Edria Meredith
  • "I'm not kidding when I call him a genius, you know. He may not be book-smart but he's observant and he's the only one that has a clue on half the things going on around him sometimes. So no, I don't always know if Ox would know night shade from Valerian in my still room. But I am sure to the Goddess' and back that he would be the one to see the person hurting in the corner, the trick to the puzzle that everyone else missed, or the sign on the wall that explains the secret to life that no one else looked at." - Edria Meredith
  • "We are similar, Ox and I. I just wish I could feel like he does." Durendal
  • "Ox, fitting name. You aren't here to kill me are you? ...Good! Let's have a drink!" - Jack Lennon
  • "My brother by choice. He is strong, protective, and great to have at parties. Though at times him and Van drive me completely nuts with their knight-in-shining armor routine. When I don't want them to find me, they don't. The same goes for any trying to find me." - Celest Silverstorm
  • "Ox? He's a typical guy... well, typical for someone that has been through hell and back, beat hell's face in and then came back for round two just to see what would happen next. Yeah, I know, it turns me on, too. Nothing is sexier than a man that knows the odds are always against him and yet still manages to laugh on occasion." - Jandori
  • "Dzxoxian Brokenhorn? Who's that? Summer Court you say? Well, I don't like him already. What? Of course I haven't met him. What do you mean 'you can't judge a person until you've met them!'? You said he was Summer Court, what else do I need to know? It's like an elephant's ass. I don't need to meet it to know it's a big, puckered, leathery hole that smells like shit." - Red Eyes
  • "It is rare that one may find a strong, kind, and brutally honest individual, especially in one that has been through the hell that Ogre's have. Ox is one such individual, and I would trust him at my back, without pause." - Brand
  • "Amusing fellow, good for a laugh. Knows when and where to use violence.. and more importantly when not to." - Timothy Wood
  • "This Mac Truck of a man has been brought to you by Faerie<tm>! Only Faerie can bring you the Juggernaut, but in the multicolor variety. Now with the horn upgrade! Use your Juggernaut to bust yuppies coming into your club! Faerie, supplying you the best drinkin' buds that can bench a rhino! Coming to a dream near you!" - Kei
  • "You want me to describe Mr. Brokehorn? He's... straightforward. He doesn't connive. His heart's fairly pure, whatever that really means. In all honesty... he's a good man. Just don't tell him I said that or I'll hand you your larynx." - James Cornoa
  • "Ox came out of the hedge already violent and strong, so what I had to do was chase him around for the first few months, reeling him in or stomping on his face to keep him from doing something supremely stupid. He's settled down considerably, but he knows I'm still not above smacking him backside the head when he needs it."- Kalen Blazenheart
  • "He loves me. He just isn't willing to admit it. What man like him wouldn't love a woman who broke his nose, grinned, chucked a beer at his head and picked his pocket....I'm a challenge." - said with laughter and amusement by Bad Penny
  • "Ox is great, and if by great, you mean huge! Alright, but seriously he's awesome... I mean, you guys let me know of one other Ogre who would debate the merits of Vicodin with me and a a firetouched! That's right, you can't... I may just have a thing for tall people, but he's kinda cute." - Chloe Leigh Lucas
  • "Why yes, I do like Frank Sinatra. Why do you ask?" - Gaius Arctorus
  • "Ox? Raph like Ox, taste good in soup.....what?? Not that Ox?? Which Ox?? Oh...ummm...I guess he taste good in soup too......oops no changeling in soup, give you shits." - Raph
  • “You want to know more about Ox? Heh.... Where to begin. He's an amusing chap to have around, and trust me when he's around there's two things... actually three things to know about: First off, you can't miss him at all, whether he's talking off in another room or just walking, trust me, you'll know about it. Secondly, there is most definitely never a dull moment when he is around-- and he claims to be a summer courtier, are we sure he doesn't perchance belong to the Spring Courts? Thirdly, make sure you have enough food..... Other then that, to know Ox is truly to know a time period where your cheeks will be sore the next day from smiling so much at his comments and his acts of chivalry that is unique to him and only him.” - Sophia McCarthy
  • "Ox? Ah yes. The Ogre Gargantuan. When I first met him I felt my hand upon my sword. There is something about that type of Ogre that seems to have left an impression on me from my times in Arcadia ... although, I would not be able to tell you what it was. However, after chatting with, getting to know him and enjoying his humor, he has turned out to be someone I would like to have at my side. Book smarts?? Not really, but he has enough street smarts and observation to see things others would look over or pass by. If I ever get into drinking again, I'll make sure to have him on hand for fun." - Drake
  • "Ox? I love that guy. He always shows up with the bolt cutters at just the right time. Plus he, Van, and Cel are practically family to Echo, Jack, and I. Oh, I just had a great idea! Pictures of him beating me up with that guitar while wearing the Linkin Park shirt and that mask! Then, under the pic it says WHO IS THIS MASKED MAN?!? I'll sell millions. But yeah, Ox is great. I'd tell you more, but the damn midget is trying to snort all my lines again." - Rift Hendrix
  • "Ox...I know him. A man of etiquette and tact...just not the garden variety of either. He is a good man, and i enjoy his company. He always brings a smile when he shows up...that, or a series of concussions. Either way, people leave with a smile" - Cage Adams
  • "Ox is alway telling the members of the Winter Court that we are strange because we are always standing in the shadows...But how could he say that? Every time I see Ox, he is literally surrounded by shadows. *looks contemplative for a moment* Could it be...that Ox is so big he just blocks out the sun? Maybe if we talked to him by phone or computer or perhaps even sky writing, maybe then he would like us better?" - Rose White
  • "Ox is Ox...he once told me that he respects me, but would like to smash my head in for the evil I do. What this evil is, I have no idea; I just assumed he is as scared of me as he is of his own shadow, which no doubt he only sees when he jumps...which is often, I believe." - Nwabudike Osi-Kofi
  • "Well, well. I'd heard so much. I thought he'd be taller. Ah well, no matter...honestly, I doubt he'd even remember me. It's probably best for both of us that way..." - Zoe Edwards
  • "I have a secret job for him that he does every day. Will he ever know it? Maybe one day. Once he's battle-broken and is pushed to his limits, he will find out what it is...and what his REAL calling in this world is." - Revenant
  • "No, sorry I can't talk to you about Ox. He's been to the 5th floor, and that means... Well, we just don't talk about anything on the 5th floor." - Toi Breaker
  • "How do you tell a man like him that all the muscle he can bring to bear won't bring back his best friend? That there's nothing he can do other than sit and wait? You don't. You put him to work doing important things like rearranging furniture to improve energy flow and fetching one last thing I forgot at the store for supper. And you let him talk - a lot - about any random thing that comes to his mind. You channel the desire to do *something* into physical effort, so it doesn't become impotent and so helpless anger doesn't eat his heart and send him bashing the furniture into matchsticks. He says he owes me. I just say it's what I'd hope someone would do for Aaron if it'd been me and ask him to pay it forward. I've got a sneaky feeling his version of 'pay it forward' means I've made a new friend and that he'd have my back whenever the east wind blows." - Holly Poppet
  • -wide eyes looking up- "He's tall. Almost as tall as Vick-chan...oooo, puppy!" - Lily Carters
  • "Ah, Ox...one of the best the Summer Court has to offer. Where more unrefined Changelings might see the need to kick down a locked door, Ox simply gives the offending barrier a stern look and the door politely unlocks and holds itself open in an attempt to apologize for inconveniencing him." - Victor Smith
  • "He's my boy. When the shit hits the fan, I can count on him to help me rip through the wall the fan is plugged into, scream out OH YEAH, like the Kool-Aid man, and then beat said shit covered fan with a station wagon... What, you know a better way to get shit off a fan?" - Van Silverstorm
  • "Ox is always a blast to spend time with. You don't have to worry about playing social games with him. As long as you're his friend. Otherwise, he'll surprise you. And whatever he says, I think he hurt that wall I put him through more than he was hurt." - Bandabras Pelinor
  • "How can one be made of nothing more then anger upon anger upon anger? When he spoke with me he seemed quite nice and sociable. I like Ox. When first at The Wonderland Wine Bar he was the only one really who spoke with me in great lengths, he didn't seem angry at all, he actually seemed quite nice. But how is it that one can love fighting so much? I don't understand why he's so big. Very very strange." - Tani
  • "A giant, blustering, thresher of a man who proves his heart is wider than his shoulders. Someday he'll be okay with what he sees in the mirror. Patience is all we can have with men like this. We are all different, all lost to what we were. There is no future in what we were. And someday...maybe someday...he'll give up on being what he was." - Caleb
  • "I don't recall saying He's totally sleeping with JayJay...okay, probably not...but it is a funny image nonetheless.You must have me confused with someone else...though, you do have to admit, it would be a funny image...not that I'm saying that of course. It's not that I'm scared of him, it's just that I'm equally cautious of whatever quip he has in store, along with the fact even a congratulatory slap on the back might break me. He's an awesome guy and hopefully I'll be able to get to know him more in the future. For serious though, you'd don't think he'd be upset, would he?" Tobias "Falcon" Scott
  • "Ox is my closest and dearest friend, and that should tell you a lot, considering that he doesn't notice me unless I am tweaking his nipple. Ox is the only one I have met that I feel comfortable enough around to really let loose and joke. He is the only person I feel I can let my guard down around, the only one I would ever allow to see me drunk. I wish that my closeness to Ox would be returned from him, but perhaps it is for the best. I know that he would not understand the new calling, and his distance will keep him safe from it. It is the will of the Wyrd that I not know closeness to someone that can understand me...distance will allow my task to be less of a trial with no one close to look over my shoulder." - Danny Darling
  • "Ox? What can I say about dear Dzxoxian? I've felt a connection with him since the first time I saw him. I suspect it is because, like myself, he, perhaps, has become something much different from what he once was. I don't know who, or what he was, but I've grown quite partial to who he is. I'm glad we're on the same side." - William "Jayjay" Terrell
  • "Did you know he tells better stories than me? It's true. I bet he sings, too. He would." - Holly O' the Thorns
  • "You can be more than one thing. Ox showed me that. It's ok. You can be angry and still feel joy. You can want to fight and still want to make people happy. He went one way and I went the other. If anyone's surprised at who went which... I guess they weren't paying attention." - Holly O' the Thorns
  • "This guy? He could be pretty amazing. And I should know." - Adrian Layne
  • "First he tried to hit my boy and I thought he was a douche...but after a little conversation I realized he is pretty baller." - Johnny
[edit]

OOC Info

  • Player: Joshua Hamel
  • Cam #: US2005033211
  • Domain: Tampa (Bay of Tears FL-034-D)
  • E-mail: sammhael@gmail.com

The picture in the Physical Description section was drawn by Christopher Freeman. Bow before his might!

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