Ten Years Ago
From Changeling Venue
[10 November 2007]
[Cue intro 'Flawless'- The Ones]
This is Pierce Priestly, and you're listening to the Gold Standard; broadcasting live from our roving studio here at Radio Free Fae and straight into your hearts.
[Cue theme]
We're going to skip the fan mail tonight, but don't worry; I've had my assistant post all of your letters onto The Pierce Priestly Online Experience. If you're not a member yet, sign up today! For only $9.99 a month, you'll have access to exclusive interviews, candid photos, and message boards where you can meet other fans to talk about me, Pierce Priestly.
Instead of our normal format, we're going to take a few minutes to remember the tragedy that befell our Freehold ten years ago tonight.
[Cue music 'Candle in the Wind']
It's hard to believe that it's been ten years since that fateful Fall Fete.
Some would say that you should have seen the signs. But I understand. If every tedious wake of a party portended the death of a city, the world would be lonelier than Hilary Clinton's snatch. How were you to know that the gentleman taking his fashion advice from Cousin It was a real prophet, and not just some sentient mop? (Here's a hint: Mops use conditioner.)
We should have listened to those Crimson Court Beasts as well. Who knew they had such impeccable timing for trends? I've always wondered if they robbed a Goodwill store or if some animal instinct told them that ironic couture was about to sweep the scene.
Speaking of irony, Titania's sharp sartorial satire that night has entered the annals of whimsical wit. The fashion goddess swept into the soirée wearing her own hyper-minimalist take on the classic outfit Eve wore in Eden; a clever conceit meant to poke fun at the garish costumes that had become endemic to our galas.
Those of us who were there that night will never forget that there is a fine line between exquisite jest and a train wreck, as demonstrated by Titania's boy toy. Very Hawaii-Five-No. The only thing more blindingly bleached than that poor boy's coconut-clad chest was Sirensong's hair. The Others couldn't possibly have missed that blinding beacon; I know I certainly don't.
[cut music]
Which brings us to tonight. The first snowflake is about to fall, and you know what that means: it's time to pick our Winter King or Queen! So all you chilly kiddies get over your shyness and step up! I promise it'll only hurt for a moment, and then you can dive right back into hiding at a dignified Onyx Masque hosted by yours truly. If you're planning to seek the crown, drop me a line and we'll feature you on next week's fair and balanced coverage of the candidates.
Tune in next week on 97.3 with a sugar cube under your tongue for an especially sweet edition of the Gold Standard. I'm Pierce Priestly, reminding you that truth is beautiful, but so is make-believe.
[cut]
